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 Post subject: Concern for a Good Friend's Brother
PostPosted: Sep Tue 14, 2021 3:34 pm 
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Location: The Great Pacific Northwest
A good friend's neer-do-well 40 yo brother's actions are concerning me.
A Vet that was kicked out of the military and takes two (unknown)
Rx drugs for PTSD and? He is a chain smoker and also smokes pot.
IMO, chain smoking is highly indicative of much anxiety.
EVERYTHING he has tried to do, or work at, has failed.
However NOTHING is His fault...it is all other's fault(s).

Well, the parents own a few acres nearby and he announced he was
moving in there. He has a high entitlement Issues. He tells
people what he is going to do, but only my friend stands up to him,
but does not have the backing of the parents. The parents, for some
God-only-knows Reason says: "David does not lie" as FACT. And
clearly Not the case. My friend has done everything right, and Legal,
and the Brother has done Nothing correct, moral, or Legal....and yet
the parents fawn over him. He has been violent with my friend since
their childhood.

But here's the thing(s): He is moving his "wife" (won't marry the
woman of his 2 kids; he's a gem) and the kids out to a bit secluded
location.
He has set up Game Cameras "to make sure no one comes onto
the property." He owns guns (Not a bad thing, particularly in a rural
area) but is concerning due to his volatile mental state.

He says he wants to grow hemp to produce CBD, But we believe he
will change That mid-stream, as he does most everything.

I see all of this, and alarm bells are going off!
Good Gawd...all of the elements needed for a tragedy.

_________________
" See the World...That's What it's For...
Understanding...Nothing More."


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 Post subject: Re: Concern for a Good Friend's Brother
PostPosted: Sep Tue 14, 2021 3:51 pm 
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Joined: Jan Tue 31, 2012 1:55 am
Posts: 18221
Location: Mountains of Mourne. Ireland.
Why do people like to 'involve' themselves in other people's lives?
Because they love it!

Seriously… you cannot rid the world of injustices.
I've tried. lol


:) Greg.
oh... never ever speak to the cops.


Last edited by egg on Sep Tue 14, 2021 3:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Concern for a Good Friend's Brother
PostPosted: Sep Tue 14, 2021 3:54 pm 
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Joined: Jan Thu 01, 1970 1:00 am
Posts: 1111
Location: Bristol TN 37620
Stay out of it, and let your good friend handle it. In some
families, parents tend to be blind, deaf, and dumb to the
"favorite" child's actions, causing more resentment to the
other family members. Like "what's wrong with my
parents? Can't they see what's going on?"

Parents' favoritism has destroyed many a family for no
good reason, leaving a lifetime of pain, anger and resentment for the siblings.


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 Post subject: Re: Concern for a Good Friend's Brother
PostPosted: Sep Tue 14, 2021 5:20 pm 
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Location: The Great Pacific Northwest
egg wrote:
Why do people like to 'involve' themselves in
other people's lives? Because they love it!
:) Greg.

Ohhh no. Not me. I have My Own extended family issues.
It's those Humans...a pesky lot. :roll:
But when a good friend pours this all out to you, seeking
commiseration, One wants to help. But it can be depressing,
because other than advice, Not much really that I can do. :|
brnhornet52 wrote:
Stay out of it, and let your good friend
handle it. In some families, parents tend to be blind, deaf,
and dumb to the "favorite" child's actions, causing more
resentment to the other family members. Like "what's wrong
with my parents? Can't they see what's going on?"

Parents' favoritism has destroyed many a family for no
good reason, leaving a lifetime of pain, anger and resentment
for the siblings.

I'm afraid that you are right. Words of wisdom.
Really sad. There is a dynamic I have seen twice, in
which one of the sons (of two) is either injured at birth or born
with a disability and when the 2ed son is born, Everything is
given to that kid. And that continues through the teenage
years, turning that child into a monster, and possibly even
a sociopath. But in This case with my friend, he was second born
and has a disability,
whereas the brother is OK...(or was).Huh?

_________________
" See the World...That's What it's For...
Understanding...Nothing More."


Last edited by RadioNut39 on Sep Tue 14, 2021 5:56 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Concern for a Good Friend's Brother
PostPosted: Sep Tue 14, 2021 5:29 pm 
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Joined: Apr Sun 23, 2017 11:22 pm
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Location: 44035 (Near Cleveland Ohio)
The kindest thing you can do is to advise your "friend" to keep away from this guy. If he doesn't, you yourself need to keep away from your "friend". Too many enablers in this scenario. You don't need to be one of them. Don't be a player. Mind your own business. Simple as that. Sorry to be blunt, but that's the way it is.

Dan


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 Post subject: Re: Concern for a Good Friend's Brother
PostPosted: Sep Tue 14, 2021 5:45 pm 
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SparkyDan wrote:
The kindest thing you can do is to advise
your "friend" to keep away from this guy. If he doesn't, you
yourself need to keep away from your "friend". Too many
enablers in this scenario. You don't need to be one of them.
Don't be a player. Mind your own business. Simple as that.
Sorry to be blunt, but that's the way it is. Dan

I hear ya... But it's kind'a hard for him to keep away from him,
as he's his brother and The Brother involves himself with my
friend. :|

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" See the World...That's What it's For...
Understanding...Nothing More."


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 Post subject: Re: Concern for a Good Friend's Brother
PostPosted: Sep Tue 14, 2021 5:56 pm 
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Joined: Jan Tue 31, 2012 1:55 am
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Location: Mountains of Mourne. Ireland.
In my opinion… people hell-bent on a path of self destruction can rarely be helped.
Sad but true.

Try if you can, but keep your wits about you and stay safe.
Greg.


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 Post subject: Re: Concern for a Good Friend's Brother
PostPosted: Sep Tue 14, 2021 6:51 pm 
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Joined: Jan Thu 01, 1970 1:00 am
Posts: 1111
Location: Bristol TN 37620
Your friend will have to speak up, or hold his piece, at the
risk of being disowned. Parents don't want to hear about
their children's.misgivings, however truthful they may be.In their eyes, even the screw up children can do no wrong.
Familiar love, I suppose. The more your friend tells his
parents what a screw up his brother is, the more entrenched they become. Very very sad but true.


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 Post subject: Re: Concern for a Good Friend's Brother
PostPosted: Sep Tue 14, 2021 6:57 pm 
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Location: 13 Critchley Avenue, PO Box 36, Monteith Ont, P0K 1P0
SparkyDan wrote:

1) advise your "friend" to keep away from this guy.

2) If he doesn't, you yourself need to keep away from your "friend".


This ^^^. Read it, read it again, then do it even if it's "the brother" contacting your friend. Best advice so far.


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 Post subject: Re: Concern for a Good Friend's Brother
PostPosted: Sep Tue 14, 2021 7:34 pm 
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Joined: Sep Tue 15, 2009 9:38 pm
Posts: 1578
Location: Mecosta MI
If the guy is going to take his wife & kids and go *bug out* and live off the grid with Game Camera surveillance well...

it shouldn't be that hard to stay away from him.

If he is not going to let his brother Get Him Help, then the only ones who may be able to help now and who Can GET him help now, are the only people he may listen to, is his wife & parents. :|

Sincerely,
Lloyd


“A wise son has a proud father-A foolish son has a sorrowful mother”


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 Post subject: Re: Concern for a Good Friend's Brother
PostPosted: Sep Tue 14, 2021 10:12 pm 
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Sounds like a person in bad need of an epiphany. They don't come cheap nor easy.

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 Post subject: Re: Concern for a Good Friend's Brother
PostPosted: Sep Wed 15, 2021 12:38 am 
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second or third, forth, stay out of it. To me it does not sound all that waked out, seen worse. If he grows some good bud, maybe he'll mellow out more. CBD, money maker is risky. I seen farmers try to grow it as a crop and lose everything invested (typical farming). Seeds are expensive and the whole process is a pain because the feds have not legalized it. Sound like he is younger?

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only the dead fish go with the flow


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 Post subject: Re: Concern for a Good Friend's Brother
PostPosted: Sep Wed 15, 2021 2:20 am 
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ttx450cap wrote:
Sound like he is younger?


The OP stated in his first post that the guy is 40 - - - - not that it matters.

Dan


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 Post subject: Re: Concern for a Good Friend's Brother
PostPosted: Sep Wed 15, 2021 3:51 pm 
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Sounds to me like he needs mental help. But that's easier said than done.


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 Post subject: Re: Concern for a Good Friend's Brother
PostPosted: Sep Wed 15, 2021 4:19 pm 
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Location: Beaver Falls, PA. USA
Keep a safe distance away, so when things blow up (and they will), it won't affect you.

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 Post subject: Re: Concern for a Good Friend's Brother
PostPosted: Sep Wed 15, 2021 4:25 pm 
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bobwilson1977 wrote:
Sounds to me like he needs
mental help. But that's easier said than done.

Well, I was told that he does get two drugs from the VA.
Unknown what those are. My concern is IS he taking them?
and also the affects of those drugs on a mental state; and
when those drugs are stopped what occurs?

I just don't want to read a local Headline of "Vet Kills
Entire Family then Himself". Think I'm being overly
speculative and worried? hmmm...I dunno ...you read that
kind of thing too often.

Tim Tress wrote:
Keep a safe distance away, so when
things blow up (and they will), it won't affect you.

That's just what I told my friend. It Will blow up.

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" See the World...That's What it's For...
Understanding...Nothing More."


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 Post subject: Re: Concern for a Good Friend's Brother
PostPosted: Sep Wed 15, 2021 4:41 pm 
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Location: Black Hills, SD 57745
A couple of my wife's girlfriends use my wife as a crying towel, sympathetic ear, whatever along those lines. It starts out "How you doing?" then turns immediately into their litany of complaints and bitches about _____ (insert girlfriend's husband, family member, etc) latest affront or audacious activity.

All my wife can do is go "Uh huh" while they go on and on, almost always the same story as last time they called. Or they're stuck at a traffic light or bored and need to pass time by talking to someone. These calls can go on for 45 minutes to an hour while my poor wife sits there trapped. Any more, she'll just refuse to answer the phone when it's the most blatant offender. Nothing ever gets fixed, next call is the same as the last.

We figure they phone my wife as she's too nice to just cut them off and nobody else in their circle will listen to them, having heard it all themselves umpteen times.

Sorry that the problem child in your case is borderline dangerous to himself or others. It's unlikely anything you say or do will change the outcome.

-Ed

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 Post subject: Re: Concern for a Good Friend's Brother
PostPosted: Sep Thu 16, 2021 1:53 am 
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SparkyDan wrote:
ttx450cap wrote:
Sound like he is younger?


The OP stated in his first post that the guy is 40 - - - - not that it matters.

Dan

Not sure how I missed that, the first paragraph. I just told my daughter my short term memory is getting better, not sure why. :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Concern for a Good Friend's Brother
PostPosted: Sep Thu 16, 2021 2:03 am 
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Quote:
Not sure how I missed that, the first paragraph. I just told my daughter my short term memory is getting better, not sure why. :lol:


I know the feeling! If I told that to my daughter, she wouldn't believe me - - for good reason 8) . It's funny how the aging mind works. I find that I need to write down the stupidest things. The shorter the term, the more I seem to forget. As long as I'm aware of these lapses, I can work around them; like writing things down. I think the problem lies wherein people refuse to acknowledge what's happening to them. The ironic part of it is, is that I can still name most of my kindergarten classmates - - - after 65 years. Go figure.

Dan


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 Post subject: Re: Concern for a Good Friend's Brother
PostPosted: Sep Thu 16, 2021 4:21 am 
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SparkyDan wrote:
Quote:
Not sure how I missed that, the first paragraph. I just told my daughter my short term memory is getting better, not sure why. :lol:


I know the feeling! If I told that to my daughter, she wouldn't believe me - - for good reason 8) . It's funny how the aging mind works. I find that I need to write down the stupidest things. The shorter the term, the more I seem to forget. As long as I'm aware of these lapses, I can work around them; like writing things down. I think the problem lies wherein people refuse to acknowledge what's happening to them. The ironic part of it is, is that I can still name most of my kindergarten classmates - - - after 65 years. Go figure.

Dan

As long as I don't answer back to myself I am good!

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